Feeling a bit better

I had all my pre op work done this morning, and I'm feeling better.
I had to have my blood drawn and it was the worst time ever. They blew two of my veins and said, "your veins just blow too easily" Only they are the only ones who have ever had that problem.
It scared me to think of someone like that starting my IV, so when it was time for me to talk to the anesthesiologist, I made her write in my chart that I wanted an anesthesiologist starting my IV with lidocaine, and not just a nurse with no pain meds. I am thankful for that.
I talked with the drs, and while they still don't know where the IUD is they seem hopeful that it will be an easy out. Of course then they added, "however, if it's adhered tightly we'll have to open you up and work on getting it out" *sigh* Tiny laproscopy holes I can handle, a big incision just seems much more painful.
This has been such a terrible emotional roller coaster. I just hope I make it out alive, with all my organs. I'm not afraid of the anesthetic, I'm afraid of less than skilled hands trying to dissect it away from a major venous organ and causing me to hemorrage (sp).
But what can you really do? Have faith I guess. And rely on my family to be sure to take good care of my babies if I have to go. My mom tried to tell me that I just needed to make sure everyone knew that the boys would go to her. I told her I think Matt would have something to say about that! LOL I'm pretty certain he'd want to keep his own kids! It was kind of funny though.
I am a bit nervous though...Zachy is sick today. And my tummy is upset, but I'm not sure if it is nerves, something I ate, or if I'm getting this illness. I hope it isn't this bug. That would just prolong this roller coaster!!
OK, loads to do today, I just wanted to say that I'm feeling better, just sick to my stomach, with sore arms from the dumb lab people.

Just let them know...

For some reason, I am SO afraid of dying on Monday. It's not the act of dying itself. I am afraid of leaving my 5 boys alone. I'm afraid my little ones will grow up without a memory of me. And that over time, none of them will know just how much I love them and that they are my whole world.
I spoke with Pastor Lynn last night, and he was telling me that I just needed to pray for peace, and then claim that peace, and I would have it. And I did, last night. And this morning, the fears are back. I know it is satan attacking me. GET THEE BEHIND ME, IN THE NAME OF CHRIST. GET BEHIND ME!!!!
I think I am just so scared because I'm doing this here. Our neighbor is an OR nurse and he said I should be glad that it will be at the army hospital, because I would not want it at the AF one. And that's where he works (AF), nice huh? So yeah, I'm scared of them screwing up.
At any rate, I have to go to my pre op in a few minutes. But please...keep me in your prayers...and if it is my time to go...someone...let my boys know how much I love them.

Monday

I go in for surgery Monday.
There is a possibility the IUD is adhered to my uterus. If it is too tightly adhered two things could happen...1)they will leave the IUD in forever or 2)I'll lose my uterus.
This isn't how things are supposed to go....
Please, pray for me that this is an easy fix. Can't we just have something easy in our family? Just once??
I am so. so. scared.

Feeling....overwhelmed

I actually feel like I may be on the verge of a panic attack, although I'm not sure I've ever truly had one. What I consider a panic attack is where I just want to be out of my skin. I can't stand to have anything touching me and I just feel very anxious.
I don't know why. Nothing especially huge is going on. Just little stuff, that happens every day.
Dillon is quite ill. He is burning up and has zero energy. So far he hasn't thrown up today, but he hasn't really taken anything in either. He has sipped some gatorade and ate a couple of bites of banana and macaroni. So far so good. But he looks awful, and I Feel so bad for him. He took a bath earlier and when Matt went to go check on him, he was laying on the floor. Matt asked what he was doing and he said, "it's just comfortable" He just doesn't have any energy. He tried sitting at the table to draw, but decided he needed to rest instead. :-(
Zachary is just being a little demoliton ball. He is running around like a wild man destroying everything in his path! Last night, he managed to get a brand new bottle of chocolate syrup, and pour the entire thing on my love seat. I now have an ugly brown love seat. I'm sure, if you've been with me for awhile, that you will remember Dillon dumping chocolate syrup on the floor, five years ago. Well, on the couch is much worse than on the floor!
Collin and Matthew are fine. Nothing major going on with them. Other than the fact that Matthew thinks he needs to be Dillon's nurse. And while it is sweet, it is driving me crazy because he keeps telling Dillon what he needs to be eating, etc. and he himself doesn't have a clue.
The dryer has quit thumping. There is a slight quiet thump, and I'm afraid it will start a fire. The sensor must have gone out as well, because I can no longer do the sensor dry, only the timed dry.
The stupid squirrels are driving Sadie crazy, which in turn makes me crazy. They sit in the front yard chattering away at her, which makes her bark and go nuts. She so badly wants to get them. Occasionally, we let her out to chase them, and they always out run her. You would think that she would learn. Although, today, she actually climbed up a tree! She was in the part where the main branches branch out, it was pretty amazing to see a dog up in a tree like that!
My house is pretty messy right now, and that always makes me more anxious. I need to do some serious cleaning, as soon as I'm done helping Matthew with school. Maybe that will make me feel better.
My allergies must be acting up, because my nose is itching like crazy, and I want to rip my hair out, it keeps tickling my face and making me itch.
Matt looked at my records from the x-ray and ultra sound. It appears my cyst is now gone. Yippee! However, there is an IUD in my pelvic cavity. I can't tell you how mad this makes me. To refresh some memories...when Zachy was 6 weeks old, I was so upset. Everyone was telling me we couldn't or shouldn't have more kids, and that we needed to do something to keep this from happening again. So I said, 'fine, if I can't have anymore kids then I'm not going to worry about it, I'm getting an IUD' Every ounce of me told me not to do it. But all the pressure from everyone was too much for me. I knew when it was inserted that it was the biggest mistake. It hurt so bad going in. I had to stay at the drs for a good long while because I was so crampy, there was no way I could drive. That was a Thursday. By Tuesday I was in such pain, and bleeding so much. I couldn't feel the strings. So they did an u/s and said, 'nope, no more IUD, it must have fallen out' I said, "are you sure? could it be in my abdomen?" They assured me that no, that didn't happen. They would know if it did, and that it just fell out. I was thinking, 'ok, I was paying attention, I never saw it come out, and plus, it hurt so bad going in, wouldn't I at least feel it coming out' Apparently, patients aren't allowed to know their own bodies.
Since then, I have had nothing but problems with my hormones, irregular periods, these dumb cysts, migraines, etc. Finally, a doctor humored me and said she would order the x-ray, even though she knew it wasn't in my abdomen, cause the chances of that are so rare. Please people, don't talk to me about rare. My family is about as rare as it gets, seriously, statistics me squat to me anymore.
At any rate, there it is. There it has been for almost 3 years. I consider myself very fortunate, because from everything I've read, this stupid thing could have migrated anywhere and caused some major damage. Every one of those ailments I mentioned above, are all symptoms of this stupid IUD. You see, it isn't your normal IUD. No, no, it is a new safe IUD. It has a vial filled with hormones. OH JOYS!!
I can't tell you how mad this makes me. I have read that they have discovered that perferations are much more common in nursing mothers and in moms less than 6 months post partum. I met both those things. It was so new at the time, that I think they are just now figuring this out. Shouldn't the company have figured this out before allowing it to be inserted into the public?? And why are drs so reluctant to listen to their patients?? I have mentioned this several times to different drs, all who assured me that was impossible. And from what I've read, this is something that could have killed me. What a nice thought to think that because I went against my instincts, listening to other people, I could have killed myself. UGH.
I've also read that it is highly likely this has rendered me infertile. And while I'm sure that thrills many of you, it devastates me. Of course, I know nothing yet. We'll have to see what the damage was.
Most maddening thing though...I haven't heard a word from my dr. I called and left a message, no response. This thing needs to be removed, and no one is even talking to me about it.
And speaking of being removed, I am terrified to have surgery performed on me by a military doctor. I don't know why. I just don't trust them. Mainly because most of them are residents or med students, and that just doesn't sit right with me.
My hope is that once it's out, I'll return to normal, but even that is apparently, questionable. I just pray I'm not screwed up for life. I'm only 30 and plan on living a long life, I just hope I don't have to deal with these issues for the rest of it!
Well, a poopy diaper is calling my name, so I must go and try not to feel to anxious. I'll be sure to update when I know more.
By the way....all my homeschooling friends, ya let me down. No one gave me any advice. :-(

AH HA!!

I knew eventually, I'd find a good thing about linoleum floors! You see my downstairs only has carpet in the living room, the rest is linoleum. I've hated it since we got here.
But, Dillon got sick last night. We thought he was all better today. But this evening he started vomiting again.
Let me tell you, it is MUCH easier to clean vomit off a linoleum floor than a carpeted one! So, YAY linoleum!!

Would someone please

Go over and visit Michelle at Sunshine n Daisies. She's feeling awfully lonely over there. Although, I'm not sure how many people visit ME, but I figure I could share some of the love with her!

Good

Dillon saw the cardiologist today, and his murmur is indeed just a simple flow murmur.
Very nice to know. :-)

I must be losing my mind

I just tried to put my crock pot away....in the fridge. It fit perfectly too, and then I realized, oops, this goes in the cupboard! Silly me.

The boys are staying up late tonight, I have to go pick up Matt at 10:30. YAY!!

Please keep us in your prayers tomorrow. Dillon has an appointment with the cardiologist. If you remember, when he was diagnosed with asthma the doctor was astounded that he had never been to one, with his murmur and Zachy's history. So just pray that it is indeed a harmless flow murmur and nothing more. We'd appreciate it.

Still no word from my doctor, but I promise I'll update you all when I find something out. And to answer your question, Les, no, I couldn't see anything during the u/s, she made good and sure of that.

I talked with one of my neighbors tonight, for a good long while. Back in November, there was a big issue between my kids and hers and some others. Turns out that she was never upset with us, but the other family. Such wasted time. :-( There is just a huge difference between homeschooled kids and public school kids. The lady I talked to tonight homeschools hers as well. They are getting ready to move in June, which is a shame. That will leave me as the only homeschooler here, and practically only christian. There will be one other christian family, the others are all mormons. Should be fun! Not that I'm putting them down at all, they are just very different from us, and make it hard, if ya know what I mean.

NOOOOOOOOOO

My dryer is making a funky thumping sound. I was so praying it was something that was in the dryer, but no, even empty it goes "thump thump thump"
We've been discussing the fact that we may not have enough money saved to make our trip this summer, and putting it off for awhile. I can say that if we need a new dryer our trip is definitely off.
It is not easy for a family of 6 to live without a dryer. Normally, I would just string up a clothesline, since it is hot and all here, but we aren't allowed to do that here. You know..cause it can be a safety hazard. As if a dryer going nonstop isn't!!

A recap of my day...and, as usual...a question!!

Oh my, what a day we've had. Been running everywhere.
This morning at 11, Matthew had an orthodontist appt. He now has yellow braces and goes back in 6 weeks. He will be getting them off sometime this summer. May 3, he is scheduled to have a tooth pulled. :-(
Anyway, the orthodontist is clear up on the north side of town.
On our way home, we stopped at wally world for a few things. It was a really good time. Mainly because there were several people who were like, "whoa...are they all yours?" or "FOUR boys? wow your hands are pretty full" And then as they are saying that I can almost SEE them calculating what time it is, and then the question that always follows, "is today a holiday?" Nope, we just homeschool! LOL
So we get home and I realize that tomorrow is yard inspection day, and the lawn needs mowing. Since Zachy was sleeping, I set the boys up with school work and went to town mowing. At one point, Dillon came out to ask me a question. But then he was yelling. Of course the lawn mower was going, so I couldn't hear him.
When I turned it off though, he was yelling about a baby bird, that was still breathing. So I went to go check it out, worried that it was dead. But alas, he was alive. The poor thing had a hole in the top of his head with some blood trickling out. We put him in an easter basket and came in to find the wildlife refuge in town. Well, they were worried because of his head so asked me to bring him in.
Guess where it was? Yep, all the way back up north. We hopped in the car and head out. We get there, hand over the bird, give them a donation and leave. I found myself wondering what my own parents would have done. Would they have paid to drop off a bird that could potentially die? I just couldn't allow my kids to think we didn't do all we could. They so badly wanted to keep him and nurse him back to health. I'll admit, he was pretty cute...and hungry...he was chirping away like mad!
So now we're home, and have eaten dinner, and in about 10 minutes, we'll be heading out to church. What a day!
~*~*~*~*~*
Question time.
For all my homeschool readers....
We are currently using ACE paces for the boys. And I'm satisfied to continue on with them for Dillon (starting 2nd grade next year) but Matthew will be starting 5th grade, and I'm not sure I want to continue on with them. Mainly because they are workbooks where he reads and fills in the blanks. I'm not entirely sure he's retaining anything! Although, when I do placement tests, he tests right where he should be. The other thing is, I'm concerned about it getting boring. He also said today that he wishes he could see REAL pictures of things instead of drawings.
So, after 6 years of homeschooling, I think I may be ready to "Switch it up" and create my own curriculum.
Which leads me to my question. What are some great things out there for 5th graders? I would really appreciate any feedback I can get!
Thanks so much

Remember that watermelon...

Remember the watermelon I talked about in the fruit fly post? Well, I had a piece, Matt had a piece, Matthew, Dillon, and Collin had 2 pieces....Zachary polished the rest of it off.
The boy kept sneaking it. He'd go into the kitchen and open the fridge and use his fingers to grab some. Goof ball. I suspect we'll have a full diaper tonight!!

Stolen poem

I stole this poem from over at God's Many Blessings. Her little guy has the same heart defect as my baby. I love it. For all my babies, I love you.

you are who you are for a reason.
you're part of an intricate plan
you're a precious and perfect unique design,
called God's special woman or man.

you look like you look for a reason.
our God made no mistake.
He knit you together within the womb,
you're just what he wanted to make.

the parents you had were the ones he chose,
and no matter how you may feel,
they were custom-designed with God's plan in mind,
and they bear the Master's seal.

No, that trauma you faced was not easy.
and God wept what it hurt you so;
but it was allowed to shape your heart
so that into his likeness you'd grow.

you are who you are for a reason,
you've been formed by the Master's rod.
you are who you are, beloved,
because there is a God!

He's gone

Well, Matt is off again. This time he is in Minnesota. Minnetonka to be exact. I think that's how you spell it anyway. Where ever the Mall of America is.
He'll be gone for only a few days, but I still don't enjoy it! :-(

12 reasons

I got in trouble the other day on a message board for talking (I was answering a question) about circumcision. Then I came across this article today, and it sums it up perfectly.
I figure they can shut me up on a public site, but not on my own blog! HA!!

12 reasons to say "no" to circumcision

Fruit Flies and VBS

What a combination for a post, eh?
I have a question.
Where in the world do fruit flies come from? I mean, how do they know the precise moment my bananas are getting a little too ripe? Or that there are grapes on my counter? Or that we just bought a watermelon?
Surely they don't live in my house just waiting some yummy fruit, do they??
What I really want to know is...does all fruit have little fruit fly maggots that only turn into flies when the fruit gets ripe? Are we eating fruit fly larvae everyday??
Does anyone know?? Because it really has me perplexed!

We got the "stuff" for VBS today. It is just a CD rom with all the materials on it and ready to be printed out. I was unsure at first, how well it would work, but I'm hoping we can swing it. I'm disappointed with the music(or lack thereof, there are only 2 songs!!!) and the fact that everything says VBS 2003. No where did it mention the fact that the materials would have 2003 on them!! Since it is all printable, we are working on seeing if we can photoshop that out of there. Please pray that it works, otherwise it could be a royal pain.
Other than that, I really think it is doable. Of course, VBS is always doable, it's just a matter of whether or not I am able to be a director! This is all new territory for me....so wish me luck!!

Yep

My baby is growing up so fast.
As you'll recall, he used to always say, "mmmm-hmmmm" when his answer was yes.
Now he says, 'yep" And it is so funny, he says it so nonchalantly.
The boy cracks me up every day.

~*~*~*~*~

Collin was just telling me he wanted some juice. When I went to get it he said, "I can pour my own, I'm good at that. Hmmmm maybe I need a stool. Let me get a stool. Ok, I can pour it by myself"
It was too cute. My mom said that everything Zachy does, he does so passionately, but this time it was Collin so was so emphatic. He was practically yelling that he could do it himself.

~*~*~*~*~*
I had my u/s and x-ray last night. Who knows when I'll hear anything. Matt says the reports aren't in the computer yet so I'm sure it will be awhile. The u/s hurt like crazy though. I just wish this cyst would go away! I'll be sure to let you all know how it goes.

~*~*~*~*
Today's job is to clean like a mad woman. I have felt pretty crummy this week, so haven't gotten it done. It should be fun! HA!

Where have I been??

I do not know. Just in la la land, I guess.
Today, I have my ultra sound and the xray of my belly. Should be loads of fun. HA!!
It is really nice though, because I was able to get a 5 o'clock appt. and able to make it at the same hospital where Matt works. He is done at 4:30 so I'll just run in and leave the kids with him. Here in San Antonio we either go to the Air Force hospital or the Army hospital, so I was thankful to get it at the Air Force one!
Last night, or about 1 this morning, I felt a major migraine coming on. I thought I might be able to sleep it away. Wrongo. I woke up this morning so very sick and with my head in so much pain. I took some excedrin migraine and waited. Of course, that stuff makes me sick too. I stayed in bed till about 12. I just couldn't handle the light or noise. Thank goodness my kids are getting older! Matthew and Dillon took care of Collin and Zachy for me. For awhile Collin and Zach came and played on the bed with me, so it was all good.
My head still hurts, and I am totally shakey, but I think I'm getting better. Well, I know I am. The kids are outside playing because it has finally cooled down. It is only supposed to be in the upper 80s today. Thank goodness. This 100 degree weather is not my thing. No school for them today, lucky guys. Tomorrow though, we'll be back at it. Only a month and a half to go before summer break! Time flies!

My poor baby!

The other night, I was out watering, and at some point I walked into a fire ant mound. I ended up with 4 bites on my foot. It hurt like the dickens...for a long while. It just made me feel so bad for poor Zachy, he had over 30 bites and it must have hurt so bad. Poor punkin. His foot is still all scarred from it.

This is something new!

Yesterday it was 102 degrees. On the way to church last night, we went through several intersections with the lights not on. We didn't think anything of it. When we got to church though, the pastor's wife asked if we had been affected by the rolling blackouts.
I had no idea the electric companies could force you to conserve energy by shutting off your power at any given time for 2 hours! Crazy!
It never did get here, but today is supposed to be just as hot. If they are going in a specific direction I'd say that it could affect us today, because those intersections were just right outside our housing.
Strange strange strange! Who knew what things I'd learn living in Texas!!!

We had ice cream and NO HAM???

If you haven't figured it out by now, we have quite a few ice cream challenges going on at any given time here.
One challenge for Matthew was to be able to do 30 multiplication facts, correctly, in less than 3 minutes. He has worked so hard to do that and finally accomplished it yesterday at 2 and a half minutes. Hooray Matthew!
Also yesterday, Dillon finished all his math for the year. Yay Dillon!
So we had a double whammy! So off to ice cream we trotted last night.
Matt teaches the older boy's sabbath school class and is working on all the kids learning the books of their Bible. He just started this last week and told them to learn the first 5 and they would get a prize. Matthew already knows all the books but most of the kids don't know any of them. So, we've been working with Dillon. For awhile he was saying, "Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomies" LOL So we finally got him to figure out that it is Deuteronomy, and not mies. After that Matthew said, "what comes next Dillon?" Dill says, "Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy,....ummmm Noham...." We all started cracking up! We had to tell him there was no Noham book in the Bible, but there is a Nahem, but not after Deuteronomy. It was just so funny. He was so serious when he said it, he was sure he had finally gotten it right!