Maybe it's all just a dream

It really doesn't seem real that I am sitting here 37.4 weeks pregnant. It doesn't seem real that we will have a baby in this house soon. I have all the proof..the huge belly, the jabs, all the baby items...it just doesn't seem real.
I remember being this pg with Zachy and feeling SO done. I was trying everything to get labor started. This time, I've done nothing. Of course, when I contract, I do tend to think, 'ok, now just keep on contracting and we'll get a baby' but it's just a passing thought, because I know I won't keep contracting!
I don't know what the deal is. Maybe it is my way of protecting myself. Maybe I am more afraid of something bad happening then I am even aware of. Even though, when I really stop and think about it, I am terrified. I just tend to push those thoughts out of my head.
I do find myself becoming anti-social. I do this. I do it when I'm first pregnant, and towards the end. I don't really have any desire to socialize with anyone. I'll go to the store with my family, but dread the thought of going somewhere where I have to actually talk to someone other than my family. I don't know why I get like this, it just happens.
Matt's work had a quaint little shower for us on Tuesday, and let me tell you, it was very hard for me to go. I did not want to sit around with people I barely know and act social. But we went. And it was fine. It's just something I don't enjoy doing right now.
Wednesday night, we took the kids to the top of the Tower of the Americas. It is our version of the space needle. It was actually quite fun. We just walked around and around and looked at all the lights of the city. Very pretty. Probably not something we'll do again, but it was nice to do it and to be able to say we did it. Kind of our last big family outing as a family of 6.
Let's see, what else. The weather has been beautiful here, making me want lots of flowers. I haven't done anything about that though. Matt tells me it's still too early. What does he know, anyway?? The trees are starting to bloom, so that tells me it's not too early. Maybe my mom will plant me some flowers while she is here!
Speaking of her, they are coming in on the 5th. The boys are really excited. The problem will be that now Collin is going to be used to seeing her every few months, and that won't be happening again!
Have a great weekend. Maybe I'll wake up from this dream sometime and report I've never been pregnant after all! Or maybe I'll come and say it wasn't a dream and now we have a baby!