Rambles

The kids are eating lunch, so I thought I'd take the time to sit down and update here.
I, once again, have so many thoughts going on that I'm sure this will be a jumbled mess. Don't you just love posts like that from me??
So, look up at my weight loss ticker. Yep, I'm down 6 1/2 pounds, also I've lost 5 3/4 overall inches. This thrills me to no end. I'm half a pound away from my original goal of 7 pounds by valentines day. I will break that 10. YAY. And then the next goal will take a little longer, it will be 10 pounds. I can do this.
It's wierd. I've tried again and again and again since having Zach. And I've failed miserably everytime. Gaining over 10 pounds in the last two years. But this time, it feels like when I lost all the weight with Collin. It's easy to stick to. It just must be the right time. I'm excited. I hate being fat. Really truly.
I think that is something that skinny people don't understand. They say, "Well you must not hate it that bad, or you'd do something about it" but that isn't the case. Food is an addiction. It's tough to just up and leave it.
Along with me, Matt has lost 6 pounds. Not that he ever needed to, but he feels he does, so YAY MATT!! He thinks it has been because we aren't eating out. I hope that doesn't mean that really soon I will plateau. At any rate, it's fun exercising with my main squeeze. We've been bad and not exercised the last two nights, but it's been because we have been out and about.
It took me two nights to get my grocery shopping done this week. What a pain. But guess what...I used coupons and saved...$16! GO BEKKI!!! It seems like we spend a lot of money on food, but by the end of the two weeks, it is gone.
That brings me to two questions I have for you.
1)What are your favorite money saving tips?
and 2)How much does your family spend on groceries? This one is personal, so you don't have to answer it, I just wonder if we're in the ballpark. We have $600 a month budgeted for groceries. Which seems about right. Which really, only equates to $100 per person for a month. That isn't alot. So tell me, do we way overspend? We even buy almost everything generic.
The new buget is going well. I just keep stressing that we won't have enough for our vacation this summer. Stuff that hasn't been budgeted keeps coming up. So I guess I just need to realize that if we don't get to go to Idaho this summer, it won't be the end of the world. We can go some other time.
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My step brother and his wife had their third baby on Tuesday. Their third boy. My sister will be popping anytime. I held a 5 week old baby the other day.
It's all killing me. But, as time goes on, I'm realizing that perhaps God's plan for us is to have the family we have now. Perhaps there are no more babies for us. I'm struggling to come to grips with this. But let's be honest here, we've not used any form of birth control since Zach was born, and no babies. So, it could just be over for us. And I can be ok with that. I think.
I was watching Maternity Ward last night, and a baby was born with Spina Bifida. The last baby show I watched had a baby born with Spina Bifida as well. I can't help but think it is a sign. Matt says I make everything a sign, but I can't help it, after Zach was born I was able to look back and see all the signs we were given and ignored. Anyway, I'm not saying we would have a baby with Spina Bifida, but so much can go wrong. And then part of me says, "you know what, so much HAS gone wrong so either 1)nothing will go wrong because surely things must start looking in our favor or 2)if something did go wrong we would deal with it, and be stronger people because of it.
I don't know.
I know it is all in God's hands. So why even think about it? I guess my point is, that I'm starting to think maybe this is it, so I need to be ok with that. Of course, if God chose to bless us right now, I would be beyond thrilled. It warms my heart to watch Zachy gently rubbing the neighbor baby's head and saying, "my baby??"
For now though, I'll focus on getting healthy and losing weight. Here's another thing I've never vocalized. I've felt for a long time that God wants me to get healthy before giving us another baby.
So that's where I'm at. Trying to distance myself from the preggos and focus on getting healthy. I must distance myself because if I don't then I will only focus on wanting a baby of my own.
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Cute story...
Collin had been asking me one day if he could drink Matt's last pepsi. I kept telling him no, that it was his last one and he wouldn't be happy if it were drunk.
Well, by the time Matt got home the lid was off and it had been drunk a bit.
At dinner something was said about it. This is the conversation that followed.
"someone drank daddy's last pepsi" (me looking at Collin)
"wasn't me"
"I think it was you"
"did you hee(see) me?"

ok, it doesn't look so funny, but it was hilarious because he completely expected to be able to say he didn't do it if I didn't see him. One day he also told me he couldn't see me because he was invisible.

Lunch is over and school needs to be tended to. Sorry for the long boring post.